The Hyuuga Man
by Ageant
Summary: Hyuuga Hiashi: The man, the myth, the legend. Follow his adventures as Hyuuga clan head and general man of mystery!
1. Clueless Hinata Strikes out!

Hiashi was a family man. Of course, some would say that he was very bad at it, considering the state Hinata was in. However, was he truly to blame for that? Was it not truly her fault for not rising to his lofty expectations?

If you were to ask Hiashi the answer would of course be yes. He treated her as he would his son, if he had one. After all who could tell the difference when she pranced around with a butch haircut like hers? He was complimented of course that she chose to emulate him to the point of wanting to be a boy, but really did she inherit none of his love for the dramatic and fashionable?

It was of course a matter of common knowledge, that the only thing that Hiashi liked more then being noble and unyielding, was his seeming love of statements made in dramatic fashion, symbolic or otherwise. Everyone in Konoha knew that the only reason he didn't go around slapping Neji for his fate rants, was due to the boy's ability to dramatically reveal his Caged Bird Seal at the drop of a hat.

Yes, to him Hinata was a disappointment. Sadly she never seemed to get the hint, even when he would "accidentally" reveal his thoughts on her in dramatic fashion. He still had hope for Hanabi, dwindling hope, but still.

**A/N:** This is my first entry in a tribute to the most awesome fic, The Wooden Man by Lainana. There is a whole series of these in the make by various contributors on the site. I thank you for reading this. I know the style isn't 100% similar, but I intend to do a tribute through similar themes and content, rather then use the exact same style of delivery. I'll try to answer any reviews if they are needed. Thanks for reading, later!


	2. Dramatics At Kunai Point!

Today had not been a great day for Hiashi. He had woken up, early as usual, to complaints from the elders about the branch family members getting uppity and refusing to do their menial tasks. If that alone had not been enough, Hinata had again passed out in the middle of the village for no discernable reason. Of course that last problem was fast becoming routine. The only branch member that he could have sent to retrieve her, was Neji and as disappointed as he may be in Hinata, he wasn't totally ignorant of the disaster in the making that would be.

So doing what was the most dramatic thing he could do at the time, short of shanking Ko, he swiftly rose from his desk. Hiding the fact that his left leg was asleep quite deftly, and with his robes swishing around him strode out of the Hyuuga compound. Like a boss.

'Perfect exit as usual' he thought to himself. He proceeded to walk down the streets of Konoha, leaving stunned (Due to his devilishly handsome good looks.) ninja and villagers in his wake.

"Now I need to pick up Failnata and deposit her in her room." He muttered to himself. Knowing the village as well as he did, it was of no surprise when he decided to cut through an alley that would lead him to the hospital much faster then if he had taken the main streets.

"Put your hands in the air and don't move!" A voice behind him whispered harshly.

He felt something sharp poke into his back, a kunai he thought, as he silently activated his Byakugan. He immediately saw two men behind him, with weapons drawn, hoping to mug him it would seem.

"Are… are you by any chance holding me up by kunai point?" Hiashi asked, as a smirk slowly made its way onto his usually stoic face.

"Yeah! And if you know what's good for you," he accentuated his spiel with light pokes from the Kunai, "you'll hand over your money! And don't try no heroics either tough guy!"

"I see, well then! I regret to inform you that I am Hyuuga Hiashi, and one of you two rogues will be spending the next month in a hospital!" Spoke Hiashi, his voice going from a faint whisper to a muted roar.

He struck out quick as lightning; assaulting the man who held the kunai to him with a precise series of Jyuuken strikes. The thug quickly dropped to the ground. His compatriot seeing this, and realizing exactly who they were up against immediately dropped to the ground and begged for mercy.

Hiashi, deciding to be dramatic about the whole affair forgave the man, but not before stealing both of his assailants valuables.

"Let this be a lesson to you of the futility of attacking the Hyuuga clan!" With that Hiashi left, heading home towards the Hyuuga compound. However, he could not quite shake the feeling that he had forgotten something.

"It must not be that important if I can't remember it!"

**A/N: **Well here is chapter 2 of The Hyuuga man; I hope you all enjoy it. This chapter is partly based on real events. I don't really have anything to say at the moment except stay tuned for chapter three. Neji makes his debut! Also there may be a cameo from a wooden man!


	3. Hizashi's Skull A Prized Pawn Item!

Neji was a simple lad, and he would tell you so if you ever asked him. There were few things he liked, and a great deal of things he disliked. Of course there were a few things he simply loved, such as his secret passion for metaphor. It also need not be said of his undying hatred of the Hyuuga Main/Branch family system. Needless one might also make mention of his fear of turning "Youthful" like Gai or Lee.

So it was of no surprise to anyone, including Hiashi, when Neji took to locking himself into his room on the weekends. Normally, this would result in caged bird action on Hiashi's part, but Neji was his sufficiently dramatic nephew. So allowances were made.

This day however was different, Neji had left the compound earlier in the day, coming home hours later hiding a package in his arms and looking morose. Hiashi, feeling his dramatic sense tingling, decided to investigate.

Picking up the skull that resided in his closet he made his way to Neji's room. With grace and dignity he knocked upon Neji's door.

"Who's… who's there?" Neji's voice seemed to indicate that he was crying, like a woman, if his ears heard true.

"Hyuuga Hiashi, your uncle and clansman! I would speak with you nephew."

"Go away! I… I don't want to speak to you of all people!"

"Neji… I have your father's skull with me, you shall open this door. Do not force my hand."

"Humph."

The door slowly slid open. Hiashi looked in and was instantly repulsed by the horrid state of both Neji and his quarters. The whole of the room was in disarray; things were strewn about in a lackadaisical manner, as if some beast had broken in and savaged the boy's room. There was one thing however, that stood out to Hiashi the most, the large poster sized picture of Hizashi upon the wall farthest from the door.

"Neji… this is…"

"Yes, today is the anniversary of the day my father was killed for your sake!" The venom in the boy's voice was potent poison indeed. Hiashi could feel the weight of that day crashing down upon his shoulders once again.

"Nephew… I... I have something for you that I have been holding onto for many years. I had always hoped; that you would hear it in a better state than this. However I can't let this continue." Having thus spoken he reached into his left sleeve, and started to pull out something. Neji looked on his curiosity piqued. Bringing his hand out of his sleeve Hiashi presented an envelope to Neji. The emotional wreck of a boy reached out to grasp it, when suddenly a voice rang out and disrupted the atmosphere.

"Uh… um… um… ah… uh." Hinata had suddenly appeared, and failed at her attempt at speaking.

"Damn it Hinata! Do you have to fail so badly at reading the mood?" Spoke an exasperated Hiashi, his free hand pressed against his face. The letter that had almost been in Neji's reach was now once again in Hiashi's left sleeve. "Well? What is it?"

"Uh… um… ah… w-w-who's sk-skull is this?"

"Hinata, go to your room."

"H-huh?"

"Leave."

"Um?"

"Leave."

"Um-uh!"

"LEAVE."

And with one final uh she left, running towards her room. She was probably crying thought Hiashi. Oh well, what's done is done. His thinking done he left Neji's room, paying no mind to the even angrier boy he left behind.

**A/N**: Well another chapter down. I don't know how I exactly feel about this one. It came off feeling a bit awkward to me. I would much appreciate it if anyone were to tell me their opinion on it, in comparison to the other chapters that would be great. I did however manage to link a little reference to a fun scene in Wooden Man so that is good. Anyway thanks for reading. Chapter four will be up before you know it. We should have the first appearance of Hanabi, and maybe a surprise cameo. Take it easy!


	4. Fate Practically Sells Itself!

Hiashi was a morning man; he woke up early every day, drank his tea, did his meditation, and put on his ceremonial robes and vestments one arm at a time. He was just a normal guy, except he was in a highly stressful situation daily. He had a daughter who could fail at breathing if given ample chance, and had a nephew who no one showed any care for.

He couldn't do anything for Hinata, nothing less then divine intervention by God himself could do anything for her. Neji though, he could do something about that! He'd spend some time with the boy today, do whatever he wanted, and maybe bring him out of his fixation with fate, even if it was fairly dramatic!

"Random branch house member whose name I am neither aware of, or care to know, bring me Neji at once."

"It's Shizu sir!" Spoke Shizu, the generically bland looking Hyuuga clan member.

"I don't recall asking for your name, and I'm also wondering why you're still here when I've given you your orders."

Screwing up all his; (surprisingly small) amount of courage Shizu straightened himself to his full, (yet still unimpressive) height. "I-I, thought to show my initiative sir!"

"That's good for you, now go before I dramatically beat you to unconsciousness!"

Shizu ran like a man possessed. Or a man who has suddenly come to the found out that he has the runs and must get to the bathroom ASAP.

Hiashi watched him run off before letting out a loud sigh. "Good help is so hard to keep oppressed these days!"

Within moments Neji was walking out of the Hyuuga compound with Hiashi, slightly confused and full of angst.

"What is it you require of me Uncle?" Neji decided to ask after what he felt was a sufficient amount of random wandering.

"What I want, no, what I NEED is for you to guide me Neji! This day is yours! We shall do whatever it is YOU want!"

"Whatever I want? There was one thing I've always needed to do. People wouldn't listen to me though, however with your prestige Uncle… YES! Follow me!"

"Wait, while this is dramatically opportunistic of you Neji. I must enquire as to the nature of this… venture."

"Uncle, we will bring the word to the people directly, we shall show them the truth! Is there anything more dramatic?" As he spoke Neji seemed to be working his self into a bigger and bigger frenzy, a bubbly froth started to emerge from his lips. It was at this point that Hiashi decided just to go with the flow. So they walked to the nearest door. Sudden, horrible realization hit Hiashi. His Nephew was a cultist.

"You know… I never thought I'd find myself doing this. However, I did agree to do anything you wanted. So this really shouldn't surprise me as much as it does. "Well, let's get on with it then."

It was then that Neji knocked on the door directly in front of them. His knock was loud and forceful. It would definitely get the attention of whoever was in this house. So it was no small surprise for the inhabitant of this rather spacious apartment to open the door and see none other then the infamous Hyuuga Hiashi upon his doorstep.

"Oh ho, isn't this a surprise! What can I do for you two youthful souls on this most wonderful day?" The voice of this… this man, was like a lion's roar. Or a moose with a bullet in his ass, Hiashi couldn't decide which was more accurate. "If there is anything that I, Maito Gai can do for you, just ask! YOSH!"

It was then that Neji strode forward, and began a spiel that would become lengthier and more depressing with every telling. "What do you know of fate Maito Gai?"

"Hmm? I must admit I don't know much about-"

"Let me tell you about fate." Neji spoke suddenly interrupting Gai's attempt to finish a sentence. "Fate is everywhere, and it'll ruin you! Ruin you like it did me."

Hiashi could only sigh and roll his eyes, though due to the nature of Hyuuga eyeballs, this was not readily apparent. He decided to act before this got too out of hand, he had better things to do… like berate Hinata for failing at life for one.

"Neji let me handle this. Maito Gai, you now believe in fate."

"I certainly do not! I believe only in the power of youth!"

"Let me be clear," said Hiashi, his face looking more and more menacing by the second, "you will believe in the power of fate, or I will Jyuuken you in places that do not bare mentioning, am I understood?"

"V-very clear Hiashi sir! The power of f-f-f-f-fate is unquestionable!" Gai looked as is he had swallowed something especially sour.

"Good, we leave now Neji; I have much work to do back in the compound." His piece said Hiashi, twirled about face, his robes swirling in some freak wind, and strode away purposefully.

Neji ran to catch up to his uncle, his feat working fast to keep stride. "You're very good at that sort of thing Uncle, maybe you can help me do this more often."

"No, I don't think that this will ever be repeated Neji," he stopped, turning suddenly to look Neji in the eye, "ever."

Gai could only stare at where Hiashi and Neji had been, his mind whirling with chaotic thoughts. Suddenly he broke into tears, his face the picture of a flood.

"I shall have to run around Konoha 183 times on my buttocks to atone for this! Forgive me youth!"


	5. This Robe Was My Favorite!

_It was raining… that's the first thing I can remember of that day. At the time I found it less then amusing that it had chosen to rain on the day I decided to wear my good robes, but then again I guess that made it more dramatic in hindsight. I remember that this was the day I first met him. He was crying, though it was almost impossible to make out in the rain, however it makes sense that I would see it considering who I am. He was crying is what matters, running away from the pain of being alone, and then he bumped into me. Being as he was only a child it's not surprising to say that he fell flat on his posterior._

_I can remember how he looked at me, surprised and anxious; I wonder if he thought I was going to reprimand him? I was going to do just that mind you, but then I saw his eyes… They were filled with a great hatred, and a great sadness, and those tears… So instead of reprimanding him I decided to give him some advice. _

"_If you really want to make them regret what they've done to you, all you have to do is struggle on, and become stronger then any of them could ever dream of being. Endure for now, and then they will understand what was there to see all along dattebayo."_

_Then he smiled at me, and the rain ended._

**Whoa~! Seems I had forgotten to add the A/N there. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long time between updates. The next chapter will be out soon. Also rest assured it will be funnier. I've not had the will to write recently which is a horrible excuse I know. Sorry again and I hope to see you all for the next, (funnier!) chapter of Hyuuga Man~!**


	6. The Hump Of Legend!

The night found him where he usual was to be found as such times. It found him in the room of a young man fully ready to act out the time worn ritual that his people were infamous for. The room was filled with the sort of things young boys liked. Action figures, posters, and the remnants of half eaten candy bars. Truly it was a pigsty, which was a good thing, it would help make sure he'd leave little to no trace of his presence. Being one of the only ones of his kind left that was sort of an important thing. He floated towards the bed and its occupant. A red-headed child, who for some reason seemed to bearing a pair of underwear on his hair, to be blunt the child was obese, and that filled him with a certain sort of trepidation, after all he had a very strict diet and it being disturbed would not do. Hopefully his thrall was prepared to act just in case of the worst.

Staring intently at the boy he noticed some strange swirl marks upon his cheeks. Surely this marked him as the child of one of the villages many clans. It didn't matter much to him though, blood was blood, and tonight he would glut on it. Sinking down towards the child he shifted the sheets so that he would have easier access to his neck. Smiling cruelly he opened his mouth unnaturally wide and bit down on the boys neck. He found a certain sense of glee as the child's eyes snapped open, staring at the strange feasting on his life force. For Chouji it was as if he had woken into some kind of horrifying nightmare. Some strange man was attached to his neck like a lamprey, and he was powerless to do anything about it. His body wouldn't listen to him. All he could do was watch and think, it was the most torturous thing he had as of yet endured.

For Dracula it was ecstasy, the child's blood was sweet, far sweeter then any other blood he had yet to taste. That almost gave him pause; there was something very important about that fact. However that didn't matter right now, all that mattered was his lust for this blood that drove him forward. His blood lust put any other thought to the back of his mind. Finding himself full he unattached himself and prepared to speak to the boy, before removing his memories of the night. However suddenly everything felt fuzzy, the room started to spin and he fell to the floor. His hand found its way to his chest clutching at it. He felt like he should call out to Elizabeth, but that made no sense, he didn't even know anyone named that. He had only one chance, and he took it, he called out to his minion through their bond, he called out to Igor.

Igor came, like an avenging angel, slipping through Chouji's window with a glower upon his face. Taking in the scene he sighed, his hump moving almost impossibly from one shoulder to another. His Master always got ahead of himself, never taking the time to check how much sugar was in his victim's blood. Really he had only himself to blame. After all who had ever heard of a diabetic vampire? It didn't matter now though, he had to do his duty. First however was the small matter of the boy staring at him and the now comatose Dracula.

"Are you happy with what you've done? Laid the mighty Dracula low, just because you couldn't put down the chocolate bars, does it make you feel good? You fat little piggy you!"

Chouji found himself even more stunned then he was earlier, first he had been violated by some strange man, and now he found himself being insulted by a strange little man with what looked like a fake hump on his back. He wouldn't stand for it, not anymore!

"Who the hell do you-"

"Oh shut up, I've got more important things to do then to trade barbs with you."

Chouji's mouth closed and opened rapidly, this night was not going his way. "You're in my room buddy; I think I get to say whatever I want to you after all of this!"

"I wouldn't be in your room if you could step away from the table every now and then."

Igor sighed once more and began to drag away his master. This was just another situation that left him wondering who he had wronged to end up in a situation like this. Chouji just stared on as Igor dragged Dracula out the window and through the air, his hump changing sides nonchalantly.

Far across town, Hyuuga Hiashi could only stare through his byakugan, and mutter one thing before he turned into bed.

"Such unsightly creatures these vampires, even if their fashion sense is to be lauded!"

* * *

**Sorry about the long time between updates. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please review~! The new chapter will be coming soon, and it is a doozy. It'll be the longest chapter yet, and well... it involves Kumo.**


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